Our origins make us crazy.
Everyone’s at least a little crazy.
I’ve never met anyone who is perfectly well-balanced, healthy, self-aware, and wise with high self-esteem. I have, however, met people who are many of these things simultaneously.
They are the types who work on themselves regularly. They’re never satisfied with where they’re at in their psychological development. They value their own happiness, and seek healing as a means to achieve it.
In my world view, we are born healthy.
We are naturally curious. We are natural self-directed learners, happily rejoicing in newfound abilities like crawling, walking, speech, play, and friendship. It’s our default tendency to test the boundaries and limitations of our consciousness, our bodies, and the world we occupy. We struggle admirably towards growth by nature of our being. Coupled with free will to choose, it’s what makes us human.
We then experience pain and suffering, and slowly abandon parts of our true selves to stay safe.
Safe from what? From our parents actions or inaction, society’s rules, bullying, and traumatic experiences. Slowly we learn to modify our behavior to “fit in” with the world around us. An alcoholic father trains us to feel anxiety when the door slams and he’s returned home drunk again from the bar. A narcissistic mother teaches us that others needs must be placed above our own – even at cost of serious damage to our self-esteem. Peers in our teenage years teach us that abusing drugs, alcohol, and casual sex are “cool”. Their dependency on drugs and alcohol to feel a sense of “okness” isn’t to be questioned.
Becoming a self-actualized adult is the process of retrieving parts and facets of our personality which we learned to disown, repress, or kill-off.
This process is painful, which is why most people unconsciously avoid it until life forces them to start, or they die. It’s the hallmark of a mature person, to voluntarily seek out healing on such a journey.
To retrieve a healthy self-esteem, we must first become self-aware in the areas which we lack self-esteem.
We can be doing very well in the area of career, but feel inadequate to date quality partners. This can stem from a deep complex of unworthiness of love, or a complex of being a “fixer-upper” or a complex of being a victim thinking “why do I always end up with the bad men?”. It’s our task to discover the nature of our crazy. The first step towards addressing any issue, is calling it by its proper name.
Once the problem has been named, we are free to attempt to resolve it. I use the word “attempt” because much emotional healing is done over time. There are no “hot-fixes” to deep psychological wounds that were generated over years of negative environmental patterns in childhood. There are experiences like psychedelics, intense therapies, or hypnosis which can accelerate healing in certain areas. But these experiences alone are not sufficient to rebuild the personality anew on the foundational self-confidence, courage, creativity, compassion, and creativity we are born with.
The process of healing and returning to one’s true self is life-long.
If we seek the path, the solutions reveal themselves.